Ecosexuals Believe Having Sex with the Earth Could Save It

From skinny dippers to people who have actual intercourse with nature, ecosexuality is a growing movement taking a new approach to combatting climate change.

If you happen to find yourself in Sydney this week, you have the unique opportunity to have sex with the earth. You just need to stop by the “ecosexual bathhouse,” which is currently part of the Syndey LiveWorks Festival of experimental art. The bathhouse is an interactive installation created by artists Loren Kronemyer and Ian Sinclair of Pony Express, who described the work to me as a “no-holds-barred extravaganza meant to dissolve the barriers between species as we descend into oblivion” as the result of our global environmental crisis. But they also see their piece as a part of a much larger ecosexual movement, which they say is gathering momentum around the world.

And they may be right. Jennifer Reed, a PhD candidate in sociology at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, is writing a dissertation on ecosexuality, and says that the number of people who identify as ecosexuals has increased markedly in the past two years. And Google search data confirms that interest in the term has spiked dramatically over the past year. We may look back on 2016 as the year ecosexuality hit the mainstream.

Ecosexuality is a term with wide-ranging definitions, which vary depending on who you ask.


A participant at the Ecosexual Bathhouse by the art group Pony Express. Photo by Matt Sav

Amanda Morgan, a faculty member at the UNLV School of Community Health Sciences who is involved in the ecosexual movement, says that ecosexuality could be measured in a sense not unlike the Kinsey Scale: On one end, it encompasses people who try to use sustainable sex products, or who enjoy skinny dipping and naked hiking. On the other are “people who roll around in the dirt having an orgasm covered in potting soil,” she said. “There are people who fuck trees, or masturbate under a waterfall.”

The movement’s growing prominence owes much to the efforts of Bay Area performance artists, activists, and couple Annie Sprinkle and Elizabeth Stephens, who have made ecosexuality a personal crusade. They have published an “ecosex manifesto” on their website SexEcology and produced several films on the theme, including a documentary, Goodbye Gauley Mountain: An Ecosexual Love Story, which depicts the “pollen-amorous” relationship between them and the Appalachian Mountains. And while touring a theater piece across the country, Dirty Sexecology: 25 Ways to Make Love to the Earth, they’ve officiated wedding ceremonies where they and fellow ecosexuals marry the earth, the moon, and other natural entities.

Sprinkle and Stephens talk openly about ecosexuality as a new form of sexual identity. At last year’s San Francisco Pride Parade, they led a contingent of over a hundred ecosexuals in a ribbon-cutting ceremony to “officially” add an E to the LGBTQI acronym; Stephens told Outside that they believe there are now at least 100,000 people around the world who openly identify as ecosexuals.

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A trailer for Pony Express’ “Ecosexual Bathhouse”

According to Reed’s research, the term “ecosexuality” has existed since the early 2000s, when it started appearing as a self-description on online dating profiles. It wasn’t until 2008 that it began its evolution toward a fully fledged social movement, when Sprinkle and Stephens began officiating ecosexual weddings. The two artists had been active in the marriage equality movement, and they wanted to harness that energy for environmental causes. Stephens has said that their aim was to reconceptualize the way we look at the earth, from seeing the planet as a mother to seeing it as a lover.

Also in 2008, Stefanie Iris Weiss, a writer and activist based in New York, began researching her book Eco-sex: Go Green Between the Sheets and Make Your Love Life Sustainable, published in 2010. Weiss, who was at that time unaware of Sprinkle and Stephens’s work, initially lent the idea a more practical, literal focus, with research revealing the harmful environmental impact of materials used in condoms, lubes, and other sex products upon both our bodies and the planet. She said that she wrote the book to help people make their sex lives “more carbon neutral and sustainable,” and to help us avoid polluting our bodies when we have sex.

The desire for safer and more sustainable sex products remains an important part of the ecosexual movement, and Weiss said that green options for consumers when it comes to sex products have increased dramatically since she wrote her book. But she has also happily embraced Sprinkle and Stephens’s more holistic take on ecosexuality, immediately recognizing in their efforts a shared goal: to help people reconnect with nature, and with their own bodies.

Reed said that ecosexuality is different from other social movements in that it focuses on personal behavior and pleasure rather than protests or politics. She said that some people within the environmental movement have kept their distance from it for this reason. But ecosexual activists interviewed for this story all insist they have a serious goal at heart. As Morgan said, thinking about the earth as a lover is the first step toward taking the environmental crisis seriously. “If you piss off your mother, she’s probably going to forgive you. If you treat your lover badly, she’s going to break up with you.”

At the same time, the sense of levity that characterizes works such as the bathhouse or Sprinkle and Stephens’s performances is an integral part of the movement. Morgan describes ecosexuality as a means of moving beyond the “depressing Al Gore stuff” that people often associate with environmentalism. Her hope, and that of other ecosexuals such as Weiss and Kronemyer, is that it can gives the average person a way of engaging with the issue that is accessible and fun, and that creates a sense of hopefulness.

Morgan and Weiss both say that they also see sex as a potentially powerful tool for motivating people to make the environment a priority. As Weiss put it: “If you’re running from floods, you won’t have any time for sex.”

How Depression Affects Sex

woman in bed

Depression can have a profound impact on sexual relationships. It can hamper our ability to feel emotionally secure with our partner, and it can rob us of our desire for and enjoyment of sexual connection.

Some of the most common problems that depression can cause:

Lack of pleasure – Depressed people don’t find pleasure in things they used to, including engaging in a sexual relationship that they previously really enjoyed.

Increased emotional sensitivity – When things go wrong in a sexual relationship, as they are bound to do from time to time, depressed people may misinterpret these temporary changes as due to their own inadequacies…which often leads them to avoid sex further.

Low energy – Fatigue can be a major symptom robbing them of sexual energy.  Depression may result in too little or too much sleep, and even a great deal of rest doesn’t revive vitality to the person. Desire is often compromised by tiredness and sexual functioning too can decline. The energy to pleasure a partner may feel impossible to muster.

Difficulty with bonding – People living with depression often struggle to feel worthy of love. This can lead their partners to feel frustrated that they can’t break through with their efforts to love and their invitations into the enlivening sexual relationship.

If you live with depression, there are some steps you can take to improve your sex life:

Consider a medication change – Ironically, the medication that is most often prescribed to alleviate depression is a class of drugs that often severely impact sex. For both genders, these drugs, called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), can reduce sexual desire and inhibit orgasm. For men, an SSRI may also impact their erections. No one should go off medication without a doctor’s supervision, if you’re on an SSRI and it’s affecting your sex life, you may want to consult a psychiatrist to see if other drugs are possible.

Work on the depression itself – To help understand and heal the roots of your depression, it may be helpful to work with a psychotherapist. Doing psychological work can help stabilize your mood and may even help you get off medication. Therapy organizes the complex feelings of depression, allowing a person to mentally understand there are concrete action steps that will help. The psychotherapist’s empathy and understanding is internalized as comfort, which lays a new foundation for mood stability. And the steadfast relational experience in therapy helps a person form more secure attachments in the rest of their relationships.

Visit a sex therapist with your partner – Going to sex therapy with your partner may alleviate misunderstandings about the sexual process and increase a person’s confidence about their technique. Sex therapists know sex is a physical process that enhances a person’s attachment to their partner and can suggests ways to increase the sexual intimacy for relationship. Most often, sex therapists help couples resolve the power struggle between them that is played out on the sexual realm. This resolution increases security in the partnership eliminating a frequent contributing source of depression.

Full Spectrum Bliss: The Secret to an Oxytocin-Based Sexual Connection

Sex is one of the most common ways we feel deep euphoric bliss in our lives. It creates a feeling of pleasure, liberation and euphoric release, releasing bio-energy within our body. Of course, sex can also cause a lot of problems in our lives. There can be negative consequences associated with sex when it is not engaged in or perceived in a sustainable, connected and bliss-giving way. It can affect our self-esteem and throw our intimate relationships out of whack, particularly when it is viewed only as a way to achieve orgasm, not as a shared energetic connection.

Full Spectrum Sex 4

By understanding the trends of the underlying hormonal activities associated with sex and orgasm, and how the change in our chemistry affect our moods, behavior, desires and wants, we can work with our body’s hormonal system and energy centers to make sexual interaction a more spiritual and rewarding experience.

Editor’s note: This article discusses oxytocin, a natural hormone produced in the human body, not the opioid OxyContin / Oxycodone, a pharmaceutical similar to morphine.

Understanding the Hormones

The main player among the wellbeing hormones is dopamine, also known as the reward hormone. Then there is prolactin, the hormone of satiation, and oxytocin, the love and bliss hormone. All these hormones interact powerfully affecting our moods and desire for intimacy and bonding. And although we might believe that dynamics within the relationship has a conscious element to it, there is also a deep physical hormonal element that contributes to our experience.

Within our brain there is a code that tells us what we need to do to be happy, healthy, wealthy, glowing and living within our life’s purpose. When we do those things, and we experience things such as social interaction, pair bonding and orgasm, our endocrine system responds by releasing oxytocin.

When we first fall in love we become bonded by rising levels of oxytocin, which is the love and cuddle hormone, and we also feel a peak in our dopamine levels. When we start having sex with that person, we experience a big release of dopamine, which comes like a huge wave in the brain during the orgasm. It feels amazing! However this is then followed by a significant drop in dopamine levels immediately after orgasm, which brings hangover-like effects. Generally speaking, the timing of this hangover varies by gender; the reaction tends to be immediate in males and slightly delayed in females.

Here, I’ll discuss an example of a male/female sexual relationship, since the difference in male and female hormonal reactions illustrates our biological reactions most distinctly.

Crossed Wires

Does this sound familiar…?

You’re falling in love, making a deep intimate connection and becoming vulnerable. You have sex with the one you’re falling for, and you have an orgasm — followed by a steep decline in dopamine levels.

At this point, the male impulse goes more or less like this: “Ok, I’m done. I don’t have any more energy, I’m just gonna go to sleep” or “I’m gonna watch TV for a bit”. The female may feel disappointed or rejected; she still wants to cuddle, stay connected and lay in this loving space.

After the orgasm, the man and the woman enter different biological and hormonal cycles that can cause a disconnection, as they are not on the same page. The male is responding to the decline in dopamine and testosterone while the female is high in oxytocin levels, the intimacy hormone.

As most of us don’t have much awareness of this hormonal experience, it is not uncommon for females to begin creating stories in our mind to explain our male partner’s sudden withdrawl — that he doesn’t like us or he just used us for sex, that there’s something missing in the relationship or not enough intimacy, that we might be better off with a more spiritually evolved partner who would stay in this loving space with us, and so on and so forth. We might even start remembering the connection we shared when we first met (when oxytocin levels were at their highest) which seemingly disappeared after our relationship became sexual, or diminished as time went by.

In reality, we are each just experiencing our biological nature.

Oxytocin by itself is considered to make us indiscriminate in its bonding influence. Under its influence, we may feel a bond towards “any” person that we are sexually or even physically intimate with.

Cravings for Novelty and Dopamine

Our levels of dopamine, the reward hormone, tend to rise in response to the excitement that of things that are new and novel. Think about the time, for example, when you bought your car – how excited you were. And now, when you look at it every time, most likely you don’t feel anything towards it.

When we get into a relationship, it comes with a sense of novelty and newness created by this reward-like system. You were looking for a partner, and boom — there’s someone you’re connecting with, having an interaction or a sexual encounter. And because your needs are being met, you’re experiencing a sense of a reward, a biological prize of sorts. Over time, there’s less of that sense of novelty as the peaks of dopamine, testosterone, and prolactin levels subside. We may feel symptoms of hormonal withdrawal, almost like addiction, which can make us feel helpless and dejected.

So what’s the antidote?

These are all natural hormonal processes in our bodies. If we understand what’s happening on a biological level, we can teach ourselves to get into the sustainable flow of the love-giving, intimacy-enhancing hormone oxytocin, which doesn’t give us the rollercoaster side-effects of dopamine when that sense of bliss and euphoria subsides.

Dopamine vs. Oxytocin

Known as the “bonding hormone”, oxytocin plays an important role in the neuroanatomy of wellbeing and intimacy. It is associated with various behaviors, including pair bonding and parental behaviors. For that reason, it’s not surprising that both men and women release significantly more oxytocin when they have a baby, because they both need to be a lot more stable and engaged to raise the baby. Obviously, going out, making new romantic connections and looking for the biological thrill of new partners wouldn’t create a secure environment for the baby to thrive. Oxytocin helps to create the bond of love at a biological level.

Dopamine is the culprit when it comes to addictive behavior. The release of dopamine is short lived but it feels so good that we often feel compelled chase the feeling. It also tends to function by the laws of diminishing returns — the more we have it, the less impactful or satiating the results. Any perceived scarcity of the dopamine-giving object or experience can create feelings of fear and stress, and so we set out to engage in behaviors that fulfill our cravings. Of course, we can get addicted to anything that gives us that high, be it pharmaceutical or hormonal.

In my experience, when the dopamine cycle takes control, we can feel addicted to many different stimuli, e.g. sex, food, alcohol or drugs, or it could be a 21st century addiction like Facebook, internet porn or TV. Before we know, it can us turn into dopamine junkies. We live in a state of constant anxiety, nervousness, feelings of scarcity, and the sense that something vital piece is missing from our lives — and yet somehow is always unattainable. We become distracted, with that recurring (addictive) impulse always at the back of our minds.

But there is a solution to this all-pervasive dopamine addiction, and like most sustainable solutions, it happens to be “substitution” — finding something else that can sustainably fill the void we are trying to fill with our addictive behavior. In the case of dopamine addiction, oxytocin, which is the hormone of love, connection, safety and bliss, counteracts the fear and stress created by the cycle of dopamine spike and drops. So it’s a matter of disengaging the body from a dopamine addiction by learning to trigger oxytocin instead.

Oxytocin Substitution

In my experience working with people to resolve this very problem over the years, I have come to realize that the subconscious mind feels a lot more ease to trade in a lower vibrational drug to a higher vibrational drug. Adopting the mindset of “going cold turkey” activates the potent powers of the dopamine receptors and this biological scarcity creates a sensation in us that leads to cravings.

When you give up something, e.g. alcohol, meat, or change the way you were having sex from a very aggressive way of chasing dopamine to a sweet loving, connected form of sex which triggers oxytocin, there’s always an adjustment period. When I stopped eating meat, for example, it was uncomfortable for a while. I was addicted to it, I really wanted to eat it, and there was a taste, a flavor, a feeling that I used to get from it, which was extremely addictive. I would eat a vegetarian meal and not feel satiation. On a biological level, my body wasn’t just missing the nutrition, it was missing the reward hormone (dopamine) that came with it.

However, when we learn to substitute dopamine behaviors for oxytocin behaviors, and become “addicted” instead to oxytocin, we start looking for a more sustainable “high” — like intimate bonding and spiritual love. The same when you switch to more loving, softer, oxytocin connections and sex – instead of having a rapid release, the body learns to feel satiated with a slow release. It’s like a slow simmer or a slow burn, rather than like a full release all at once, which takes us away from the hormonal rollercoaster of dopamine. It’s a process of retraining ourselves to become “addicted” to subtler, more sustainable vibration, and to a hormone that we have easier access to. As a result, prolactin, which is the hormone of satiation, will then reprogram its circuitry, triggering instead when you behave in a more oxytocin-generating way.

Full Spectrum Sex: Engaging Oxytocin in Sexual Relationships

Firstly, the “oxytocin way” of having sex takes away the need. The goal of sexual interaction shifts from having an orgasm to being in a euphoric love connection, and re-orients us to a place where we’re feeling satiated by intimacy, even though were not having an orgasm. Instead of getting to a place where we are able to just have that sort of deep release of sensation, the goal of the oxytocin sex is to build and engage in a relationship.

In essence, we are learning to communicate with our body’s energy centers – and those of our sexual partner – in a very intimate way, and to do that we need to relearn the way of the “natural” flow of our body and our hormones.

The endocrine system produces and regulates our body’s hormonal activity. The gland known as the hypothalamus creates oxytocin, and it is stored in the pituitary gland, which then releases it to the rest of the body. Like all systems, this works in complex feedback loop; one hormonal function in one gland then triggers the function of other glands in the system. That’s why I strongly recommend developing a full spectrum relationship – a relationship that engages all the elements in the octave of the body’s endocrine system:

  1. When you feel you have a higher purpose with a partner, it engages the crown center.
  2. Having a mental connection, similar mental patterns, being intuitively connected with one another person is a very important purpose of the pineal gland center.
  3. If you have good physical energy, and a similar range of physical energy, it engages the medulla oblongata, the nervous system center. If one person is extremely active and the other person is not, it can create a disconnection.
  4. The thyroid connection involves being able to really talk about your innermost feelings and desires, your emotions and your goals in life, and be able to deeply connect and share on a verbal communication level.
  5. The simple feeling of bonding and love, having a sense of independence while still having a connection, a relationship where you can really be yourself and be loved for it, relates to the thymus gland connection.
  6. The solar plexus connection is to be able to work together well in the physical dimension, to be able to create things, to be able to support each other and your joint life, to be able to be more powerful in the world together, in your own individual missions and hopefully in your joint purpose of being together.
  7. The womb and the prostate region has to do with being able to have a wonderful intimate social life, to have loving friends, have your needs met to be in a great community, to be a good fit, be good together as it comes to relating to your greater family.
  8. And then, finally, we come to the rectum, the root chakra, which is the sex center of the body’s energy octave and the center most activated by casual sex.

(To learn more about the body’s energy centers, please see my recent article: Sex, Love and Oxytocin – The Full Spectrum Connection.)

In my experience, the oxytocin connection is reached if we made sure that we have spiraled our energy together and come to a place where we are meeting someone on at least five of those areas – the rest you could work on. That’s a natural part of relationships. But connecting on any less than five areas out of eight can make the relationship quite difficult, not to mention a full spectrum connection difficult to achieve.

If you are meeting someone with the intention of having a full spectrum connection, oxytocin is triggered, naturally and simply. If you’re meeting someone for the purposes of just having sex, you’re skipping all the connections associated with the body’s energy centers and going straight to the sexual center. Oxytocin, which helps to create spiritual bonding on a biological level, also holds the code of your crown energy, which is how you are a divine being and how you are walking the planet and completing your spiritual mission on this planet. All that information is held in your crown center, which is where the oxytocin gets released.

When we experience the release of oxytocin, we feel like our emotional and spiritual needs are taken care of. We feel a strong bond with someone that we can trust. Trust is a huge factor in oxytocin release because, when we feel safe, we feel like we’re in the “right place” and we start functioning from a place of trust and safety, and relax into the relationship. The “soul’s code” triggers the master hormone – oxytocin – which in turn triggers all the rest of the glands in the body, creating a hormonal feedback loop (provided they are healthy enough to receive the messages and are in turn able to contribute to that feedback loop.) But when we’re randomly meeting someone and having sex, we’re not really able to feel that sort of connection, and we’re not able to feel the safety associated with the oxytocin loop.

In my opinion, yes, it is better to avoid just having sex, but rather to save it as an energy-center interaction with someone after we’ve connected through the other major parts of the body spectrum. And then, once were connecting in this deeper way, we can look into the person’s eyes and feel how deeply we’re connected with them on a soul level, how safe we are with them — and feel the natural flow of oxytocin, without creating a fake bubble of oxytocin (which creates a false sense of connection) or just chasing the dopamine rush of disconnected sex.

Full Spectrum Sex 1

Fake Oxytocin Bubbles

We create fake bubbles of oxytocin all the time. Often we meet someone, and although we kind of like them, we may feel that there is not much else happening in that relationship — that is, until we have sex and start releasing oxytocin (as well as dopamine etc.) Then all of a sudden, the brain begins to trick us into believing that we share all the other points of the spectrum: the full spectrum. We begin to feel differently about them, and even though we don’t have the full spectrum connection with that person, or even the makings of it, we start fooling ourselves into believing this person could be the “right person”, simply because we decided to have sex – and release oxytocin – which biologically can make you feel bonded with whomever.

However, most people know before they have sex with someone whether they have a full spectrum connection with that person. But if we compromise the full spectrum connection and have sex with that person anyway, we experience a confusing biological backlash that is completely hormonal in nature. We feel bonded to that person in a way that can feel like a full spectrum connection, since our biology tells us through the release of oxytocin that we are more intimate and more bonded with that person than we truly are. This can cause all kinds of confusion, and heartache.

To be clear, I am not moralistic about it, just realistic. A lot of people think that abstaining from sex until we are in a loving (full spectrum) relationship is an issue of morals, or adherence to religious doctrines. But this principle is grounded in biology, and a desire not to be fooled by it. Before you release oxytocin, listen to your bliss instinct, to your guiding system, otherwise you are playing with hormonal fire. You start feeling bonded with someone that is not right for you on levels other that sex, and you end up in a situation (like so many of us have before) where it is hard for you to let them go even though you know deep down that you don’t share that full spectrum connection with that person.

Light Bulb Moment!

For me it took quite a bit of experimentation to get to this important realization. You see, I come from a very conservative Indian background, and was taught by my parents and my culture not to have sex before marriage. And then when I went to study in Australia, casual sex was not only accepted, it was the norm; if you went on a few dates, it was almost expected. I went from one end of the spectrum to the other, curious to explore — but I ended up feeling really horrible about myself. Every time I would have sex with someone, I felt like their “code” would start integrating with mine, and since that feeling of bonding was not reciprocated, I took quite a hit in my self-esteem. Of course, I wasn’t as conscious of everything that was going on at that stage, personally or biologically, and I couldn’t understand why I was not feeling good. I didn’t know back then that by body was producing oxytocin, the bonding hormone, or that sharing a sexual experience and tapping into the energetic “code” of your partner starts integrating their energy into your own. Now I know, if we don’t share the highest vibrational energy – the full spectrum – then we leave the next morning unconsciously picking up all of those vibrations, some of which feel connected with our energy centers, and many that don’t.

I realized that I had to go back to my original way of being, not because of cultural expectations or conditioning, but because I was able to see the value in myself and really begin to love my own vibrational “code”, and the stability of my personal being. I learned only to interact and relate to another human being sexually if the energetic spiral we shared was going to bring an overall sensation of bliss, and we both feel better about who we are, and our connection, as a result. Now, when it comes to sexual relationships, I am more deeply on my soul path rather than experiencing confusion and loss, or disconnection from my spiritual path, forgetting who I really was for several days after a sexual encounter and grieving for a connection that really wasn’t there in the first place.

I found a very similar experience with alcohol. I didn’t drink, but was socially encouraged to start drinking. It felt fun for several hours… but what about the next day when I have to go and serve my purpose, connect with people and share my love and my vibrations? It was counter-productive to being more deeply connected to my spiritual path. So it’s important to realize that anything that doesn’t bring you closer or doesn’t make you more aligned with who you are, more aligned to that love, to that confidence, to that beauty — whether you’re a male or female — is not the right way for you.

That’s when I realized that dopamine addiction and the dopamine-chasing way of life — the seeking of a constant, immediate reward — was not the way I wanted to go.

Heavy Consequences

Due to my experience with DNA activation, I noticed that the next day after casual sex, I often felt some heaviness. What I was feeling was the energetic vestiges, the leftover “code” in my body, and it took a while for me to work it out of my system. While I was working out this sort of unprocessed “code”, I realized it was somebody else’s baggage all of a sudden ending up in my field. I also noticed that a lot of other people around me felt that heaviness too.

Normally, we try to counteract that feeling of heaviness. We don’t feel good about ourselves, we feel like something is off, and we associate that feeling of heaviness with loneliness. So we keep looking, searching for another potential mate — and when we find another sexual partner, we feel a bit better, for a little while. But what we end up doing is picking all of this junk energetic “code” from other people, and place it in our “basement” – which gets heavier and heavier. It can also lead to health issues and even weight gain, because the heavier we feel, the more we are try to find satiation — the dopamine high — and we begin a cycle of satiating ourselves with more food, more sex, more alcohol, more whatever it is that works for you.

Sex is very powerful. Understanding it, not just on an emotion level but on a hormonal level, and learning to switch our behaviors toward the flow to oxytocin instead of dopamine — toward finding a sustainable love connection instead of unsustainable addictive dopamine connections — is going to make all the difference.

Replacing Dopamine Sex with Oxytocin Sexuality

The first step would be to remove the concept of having sex with someone you’re not spiritually connected to. I personally don’t agree with the extreme “no sex before marriage” concept, but I do feel we are better off sharing sexual experiences with someone with whom we feel safe, and making sure there’s a nurturing, loving, sustainable connection, so that we lift each other up in some way through sharing that experience.

Developing the “oxytocin way” in a relationship is blissful, as if you’re having sex all the time. There becomes a divine quality of celebration in that interaction, which expresses itself in the way you cook for that person, care for their needs, bring them flowers, get yourself ready to be beautiful for them etc. For a long time before you engage in sex, you spend time, maybe even the whole day, preparing yourself. You can feel the oxytocin flow all day, as you anticipate your next interaction. You enter this mode of caring for your body, and caring for your mood. Perhaps you detox in the morning, go out in the sun, and eat an amazing luscious fresh fruit (fruits are basically sexual organs of plants, so you tune into this vibration of sexuality, ripeness, suppleness). You get yourself ready for this incredible ceremony, and you can feel its energy well before you engage in sexual interaction — and well after.

You don’t need to be a tantra expert or master different breathing or movement techniques. The only thing that is important is that you activate your true oxytocin bliss instinct, and then follow it. Let your natural intuition for bliss guide you to the correct vibration, and guide how you prepare yourself to be with them. Hold your partner in the esteem of a divine male or female, as a god or goddess, and focus on all the things you’re going to do to love your partner — to really see and appreciate him or her, and make him/her feel blissful. See your partner as an angelic being and set your intention to connect on higher levels, to exchange “code” with your partner’s higher self.

You can do this by simply tuning into that consciousness and recognizing that we all have within us the animal self, the human self, and the angelic self. That is the starting point: connecting with the angelic self, making sure that your connection is pure, supportive and loving. And once you have established the foundation of the angelic connection, the sky is the limit — because what you’ll realize is that the angels are actually very naughty. 😉

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When you start from this safe, high vibrational place, you start feeling sexier, you feel more energy, more love, and you feel safe to allow your naughty vibes and your raunchiness – your true unbounded sexuality – to start coming out. Then you go ‘full spectrum’. Sharing that deeply intimate part of yourself, you connect on an emotional and energetic level, as well as physical. You connect with each other’s heart and soul as you look into each other’s eyes. And then, you can spiral down into the animal realms, having really naughty, instinctual sex, where your mind is out of the picture, and you are connecting in a deep, powerful physical way.

Full spectrum sex is all about going all the way down the spectrum of the body’s energy centers and all the way back up again — knowing that you have the ability to experience the entire spectrum in this way.

Problems often come when we go into having this sort of naughty, nasty sex before we make a spiritual connection with our partner. We might feel unsafe, disconnected, like something is off, even ‘dirty’, and by experiencing them alongside the physical dopamine rush that comes with the act of sex, we may eventually create an addiction to those feelings too; to this disconnected sexual paradigm, and to the seeking of behavior that causes those problematic feelings. But, when we engage in the full spectrum with our sexual partners, there’s a beautiful unfolding that we share, and there is no limit to the variety, kinds and types of sex that we can have together.

It’s not about morals. It’s all about learning the access point to the full spectrum, the place in which our full being is engaged, including our most animalistic instincts. And once you’re there, the bliss instinct is a free instinct; you can do whatever you want to do together and still be in a place of sustainable bliss.

What About The Orgasm?

Traditionally, philosophies like tantra, which explore the spectrum of connection, don’t focus on orgasm. Some philosophies even discourage it, believing it to detract from the experience of connection. However, in the oxytocin way, I don’t feel there are any hard and fast rules, and there are certainly no drawbacks in experiencing orgasm together as part of your full spectrum connection.

When you make an oxytocin connection, and you both stay within it, you will find the quality of your orgasms changes. Men can start to experience internal orgasms, or electrical orgasms, where it feels just as good as having the physical orgasm but the exchange and the release is electrical in nature, and less centered on the root chakra. The energy center that responsible for that electrical energy in the body is the thymus gland center, located in the heart/lung region. So the result can be that you have an incredibly penetrating heart connection with a person, with both partners engaging in this electrical orgasm, making you feel even more connected and even more orgasmic.

Taking It With You Wherever You Go

Anyone who has experienced a full spectrum connection will tell you, that sense of wellbeing improved every area of their life. Once you come to experience an oxytocin connection, you can channel all of that juiciness, that height, that vibe, into everything you do. You start bringing that quality of connection not only into your interactions with your partner but your interactions with others — to your tribe, to your day-to-day activities, to the work that you’re doing and the food that you’re eating. The feel good vibe of the full spectrum connection becomes infectious, pouring over into all areas of our lives — because you’re feeling deeply satiated, deeply taken care of, and feeling great.

When that kind of connection becomes a place that you navigate from, the effects spiral up. Personally, I’ve taken this full spectrum energy and learned how to channel it into my dance, my writing, my relationships with people, my exercise, the way I dress, into healing my body, and beautifying it. I’ve learned how to channel this energy to give myself more courage, and even have better skin, because that electrical energy, the orgasmic energy of the full spectrum has staying power — and it has a lot of healing powers.

It all comes down to making your bliss instinct the premiere instinct in your life. If you’re generating more bliss with your sexual and intimate interactions with your partner then you’re essentially filling the cup of bliss that is in your body and allowing it to flow into your life. And the way to do it is by locking onto this sensation, cultivating behaviors that support it and allowing that sensation to lead you into whatever you’re doing. The full spectrum consciousness within your body maintains its continuity as you doing the things that enable you to carry this bliss from one moment to the other.

Experience The Divine

The interesting thing about the oxytocin hormone is that it is released by the hypothalamus, which is the ‘master’ gland that in turn triggers the production of other hormones in the body. When we activate the hypothalamus, it then activates the pituitary gland, which then sends signals to other glands within the body – the adrenals, the thyroid, and the gonads – which in turn, are also connected via hormonal feedback loops. These hormones work with one another to make sure that your body is well regulated and functioning at its peak — and it all starts at the hypothalamus with the release of oxytocin, the love hormone.

In this way, love can be seen as literally the regulating force in our lives.

When we come together in the full spectrum, and honor each other as the divine male or divine female we are, we do each other (and ourselves) the service of helping one another to live much more sustainably in a blissful world. And we do this by loving each other, releasing our love slowly, showing our appreciation, connecting on all levels and engaging all the body’s energy centers. Then when you take that connection into your sexual relationship, you start slow and take time to caress, touch, nourish, feel — connect. You worship every single part of your partner’s physical body, their legs, their extremities. You take time to connect with all the different energy portals within their body, from the crown (the higher connection, which is related to unity consciousness) all the way down into the root (the portal of sex).

And it shouldn’t be rushed. Sex should be a ceremony, especially when you first try it out with a new partner. Take your time, at least an hour, two or three hours if possible. And in those hours, explore, move, connect, talk, dance — do lots of different things. There’s no rush and no limit to how you engage in this divine, angelic, deeply loving, deeply sexual, physical connection with your partner.

Are You Up for a Challenge?

If you already have a partner and want to being experiencing full spectrum sex, take your time, talk about it in advance, prepare yourself and each other.

To full activate oxytocin, the challenge is not just to develop that full spectrum connection but also to remain on the threshold of orgasm. Sex is not a race to orgasm. Allow that sensation to grow and develop, ebb and flow, instead of going over and releasing it. And this applies both for men and women. Women also benefit from staying on that threshold, so that the blissful orgasmic vibration is sensationally followed and not broken. You’ll know what I mean when you’re practicing it, and most likely you already feel this on a soul level, as our divine legacy is very closely related to our sexual life and sexual paradigms.

If you are not in a relationship, you can still take up this challenge, because the first point of oxytocin connection is with yourself. Everything I have learned about this started by allowing this divine energy to enter my body and activate the bliss hormone, oxytocin, and embodying this angelic connection within myself — until I came to a place where I was blessed with a partner with whom I could sustainably go there. At its deepest level, sexual union is a spiraling together of energy, much like strands of DNA spiral together. But the first step is to first be in sexual union with you. Mastery starts with yourself.

The benefit is that everyday you’ll feel good and send a message to your subconscious mind that you love yourself, care about yourself and you to do something good for yourself. If we know how to actively cultivate a sense of wellness and love that is hardwired within our bodies, we’ll inevitably begin to thrive. We make choices that are from a place of security and happiness, and safety, and we gravitate towards the things – and people – that make us feel more love, make us feel more beautiful, more healthy, more satisfied, more abundant — more bliss.

Scientists Just Solved the Great Mystery of How Venus Flytraps Have Sex

Many flowering plants are in happy, mutually beneficial relationships with animals that suck up sweet nectar from their blooms and, in exchange, carry their pollen to far-off plants, allowing them to reproduce. These harmonious relationships are the result of millions of years of specialization and co-evolution that gave all parties involved an evolutionary boost.

But the Venus flytrap (Dionaea muscipula), a carnivorous plant known for chowing down on insect, has long seemed to throw the plant-animal love-fest stereotype out the window. After all, how can a plant that’s known for eating bugs also take advantage of their help?

For a long time, this conundrum stumped biologists, but finally, in a paper published ahead of print Tuesday in the journal The American Naturalist, a team of researchers in North Carolina offer evidence that could resolve this apparent paradox. The key to understanding Venus flytrap reproduction, it seems, is in recognizing the differences between two very distinct parts of the plant: the notorious snapping jaw at its base, and the lesser-known flower towering on a stem above it.

“Before this, we knew hardly anything about pollination in Venus fly traps,” N.C. State University entomology research associate Elsa Youngsteadt, Ph.D., the first author on the new paper, tells Inverse.

When we think of the Venus flytrap, we usually think about the traps. But now researchers are focusing on the plant's flowers.
When we think of the Venus flytrap, we usually think about the traps. But now researchers are focusing on the plant’s flowers.

By observing which gastropods, crustaceans, insects, and arachnids pollinate Venus flytrap flowers and comparing these with the prey found inside the traps, the researchers found the answer to the paradox. The bugs that pollinate the Venus flytrap are almost never the bugs that the carnivorous plant eats.

“These plants are famous, but it’s all about the traps and what they eat, and nothing about who is interacting with their flowers,” says Youngsteadt. “That’s especially interesting for this species because they’re a carnivorous plant. We know they’re eating insects, but that puts them in a potential conflict-of-interest situation that other plants can’t experience because they might be eating the same insects that might be pollinating their flowers.”

venus flytrap flower insect
The insects that pollinate the venus flytrap are almost never the insects that the carnivorous plant eats.

The new discovery makes the question of who pollinates Venus flytraps even more interesting. Not that scientists knew much about it before: When it came to D. muscipula pollination, there was virtually no research except a single paper from 1958 that is largely speculative and lacks observational data. Notably, though, the authors of that 60-year-old paper found that Venus flytraps were self-sterile, meaning that an individual plant had to receive pollen from a different plant to produce seeds (unlike plants like tomatoes, which can fertilize themselves). This established that the Venus flytrap needs a little help.

In their research, Youngsteadt and her colleagues from the North Carolina Botanical Garden and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service found that the help comes primarily from three species: the sweat bee (Augochlorella gratiosa), the long-horned beetle (Typocerus sinuatus), and the checkered beetle (Trichodes apivorus). These species were found to carry large amounts of pollen among flowers but were not found in the plants’ traps.

Spreading out their research over three sites and four different dates during the peak of Venus flytrap blooming season in Pender County, North Carolina, they came to this conclusion after catching every animal they saw crawling on Venus flytrap flowers and swabbed their bodies to examine them for evidence of Venus flytrap pollen.

Identifying the animals that were “prey” was a little grosser. “We actually pried them open gently with little forceps and pulled out whatever was inside,” says Youngsteadt. “That varied from stuff that was still alive, probably freshly caught that morning, versus things that were so digested that you can tell it was a spider but not much more than that.” For this reason, the researchers could identify only the biological family of most prey and not its species.

Longhorn beetles pollinate Venus flytraps, but they don't get eaten.
Longhorn beetles pollinate Venus flytraps, but they don’t get eaten.

After identifying which animals were pollinators and which were prey, the team analyzed how many belonged to each group. Out of 54 taxa identified in flowers and traps, only 13 potential pollinators were found in the traps, and only in low numbers.

“There’s very little overlap,” says Youngsteadt. “Those species that are shared aren’t very good pollinators. They have very little pollen on their bodies, so the flytraps aren’t doing themselves any disservice.”

Laura Hamon, a student of Youngsteadt’s co-authors, Rebecca Irwin, Ph.D., and Clyde Sorenson, Ph.D., will undertake the next stage of this research: figuring out exactly how good each pollinator is at carrying pollen. This latest paper, as well as subsequent studies, will give researchers a much better idea of how to conserve the Venus flytrap, a vulnerable species that’s only found in southeastern North Carolina and northeastern South Carolina. While this latest paper doesn’t have any immediate implications, knowing more about its life cycle and ecological niche could help inform future conservation efforts for this often-poached plant.

“When you have a species that may need additional conservation management, this gem of our region, it’s important to know these basic things about its life history,” says Youngsteadt. “What does it need to live and reproduce well?”

Abstract: Because carnivorous plants rely on arthropods as pollinators and prey, they risk consuming would-be mutualists. We examined this potential conflict in the Venus flytrap (Dionaea muscipula), whose pollinators were previously unknown. Diverse arthropods from two classes and nine orders visited flowers; 56% of visitors carried D. muscipula pollen, often mixed with pollen of co-flowering species. Within this diverse, generalized community, certain bee and beetle species appear to be the most important pollinators, based on their abundance, pollen load size, and pollen fidelity. D. muscipula prey spanned four invertebrate classes and eleven orders; spiders, beetles, and ants were most common. At the family and species levels, few taxa were shared between traps and flowers, yielding a near-zero value of niche overlap for these potentially competing structures. Spatial separation of traps and flowers may contribute to partitioning the invertebrate community between nutritional and reproductive functions in *D. muscipula.

How Internet Porn Is Changing How Men and Women Are Having Sex

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Sexual satisfaction is important for pair bonding in a relationship, as well as for one’s own psychological health. What’s more, we’re living in an age where personal fulfillment seems to be the ultimate goal. Despite this, men and women today may be having less fulfilling sex lives than in the past. One reason, the internet has altered human sexuality in a myriad of ways.

There have of course been positive impacts. The internet has helped normalize BDSM and kink, and revealed to the world different relationship configurations, which of course impact sex. These can include what New York Times sex columnist Dan Savage calls, “monogamish,” swinging, and polyamory (or ethical non-monogamy). Rather than be trapped in the dichotomy of monogamy or dating, we now have other options. It’s also allowed those with certain kinks and fetishes to feel acceptance and find fulfillment, as well as become a part of their own community.

Now for the bad news. There’s been some talk that the internet may be causing a minority of men to experience porn-induced erectile dysfunction. Internet porn obsession coupled with chronic masturbation saps interest or capability, when it comes time to be with a partner. The urological community has gone back and forth on whether this is a legitimate condition. One particular research paper contends that instead of a physical problem, such men may be conditioning themselves to orgasm only with a certain kind of stimuli, be it tactile or visual, which may confound sex with a partner.

Men who are obsessed with online sexual stimuli may condition themselves out of a fulfilling encounter with a partner. 

Now for the first time, a study published in the Journal of Sex Research, looks at how internet porn may have impacted female sexual functioning. These findings also tease out larger questions about how much sexuality is biological behavior, how much is psychological, and how much social. The female orgasm has been seen as the pinnacle of  the sexual encounter. So has internet porn enhanced or inhibited the female climax?

Léa J. Séguin at the University of Quebec in Montreal, led the study. What Séguin and colleagues found was, it wasn’t the age when masturbation started or a woman’s dexterity in the pursuit. It wasn’t the number of sex partners she had either. What determined whether or not she could orgasm during sex, was whether she was mindful during the experience and how connected she felt with her partner.

“Social representations, which appear in a variety of media, can influence the way sexual experiences are perceived and understood,” researchers wrote. “While pornography is not the only medium in which orgasm is portrayed, it is the most explicit, and it is widespread and easily accessible.” What they looked at was how male and female orgasm was portrayed in 50 of Pornhub’s most viewed videos. Each was analyzed and coded for the “frequency of male and female orgasm.” Researchers coded content by the orgasm-inducing sex act the onscreen couple engaged in. This included auditory and visual indicators.

Porn may send the signal that the female orgasm is less important. 

This study found that while men orgasmed 78% of the time in these videos, women climaxed only 18.3% of the time. Among these, clitoral stimulation—how most women orgasm, only occurred 25% of the time. The message this sends, researchers say, is that the male orgasm is an imperative, while the female one—not so much. They also wrote that “mainstream pornography promotes and perpetuates many unrealistic expectations regarding women’s orgasm.”

Research shows there’s a wide variety in when and how women climax. Though many start masturbation early, the average American woman loses her virginity at age 17, and most don’t orgasm then. In fact, most women don’t begin having regular orgasms until they’re in their 20s or 30s. Greater comfort with sex and their bodies may be the reason.

Another issue is that some women just naturally have a hard time orgasming. They may not climax regularly as a result. Studies have shown that the ability to climax through intercourse and to a lesser extent masturbation, is at least partially genetic in nature. The rest is “physical processes or subjective responses to those processes.”The results of this study fit into what is known as sexual script theory, which states that humans fall into certain sexual scripts which society deems acceptable.

A woman’s outlook on sex, how comfortable she with it, and her connection to her partner, all play a critical role in her ability to derive sexual satisfaction. 

So what about the female orgasm overall? A study published last year in the journal Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology, had some interesting findings. Using statistics from nationwide surveys, they looked at the sexual experiences of over 8,000 Finnish women. The number who said they orgasm from sex always or nearly so, fell 10% between 1999 and 2015. Internet porn and unrealistic expectations may have played a role. But researchers identified other reasons as well.

Why Finnish women? “Finland is one of few countries with nationally representative surveys of sexual activities and values among the adult population.” Such a survey was conducted in the years 1971, 1992, 1999, 2007, and 2015. People’s sexuality liberalized over time, the data shows, following a similar trend in the rest of Western Europe.

According to this study, whether or not a woman orgasmed during sex depended on her sexual self-esteem, how good she and her partner are at sexual communication, how skillful she feels in the bedroom, and her own sexual limitations. Other factors included the ability to concentrate during sex and her partner’s technique. The things that prevented women from climaxing most were fatigue, difficulty concentrating, and stress. While 50% of women in a relationship said they orgasmed during sex most of the time, only 40% of single women did.

So the takeaway is that couples who communicate well, especially about desires and fantasies, are mindful during sex, and do things to increase their connection, have the best sex lives, complete with oodles of orgasms for both partners. That’s as long as they don’t become obsessed with internet porn, take cues from reliable sources, and are mindful of how they conduct their sex lives. Should you have a female partner, the best way to make her climax when sex is on the menu is to relax her, relieve her stress, and connect with her on a deeper level.

To find out more about how internet porn obsession can affect your sex life, click here:

8 Reasons It Burns When You Pee

Time to end the misery.
graphic of a roll of toilet paper with fire emojis

Burning pee is the worst. Only a few things should be happening when you pee, and almost bursting into tears isn’t one of them. Ridding your body of waste via your urine? Sure. Wondering why all people with vaginas don’t get the luxury of peeing standing up, thus avoiding any toilet seat germs (as harmless as they may be)? Why not. But if you’re preoccupied while peeing because it feels like hellfire is raining down from your urethra, you’ve got a problem. Luckily, ob/gyns have solutions. Here, the eight most common causes of burning, painful urination, plus how to treat them.

1. You have a urinary tract infection.

This is the biggest culprit behind painful peeing, Sarah Yamaguchi, M.D., ob/gyn at Good Samaritan Hospital in Los Angeles, tells SELF. A UTI happens when bacteria, often E. coli, gets into your urethra. The result: unpleasant symptoms like a persistent urge to hit up the bathroom and burning during urination. “If you’re having burning, particularly at the end of the urinary stream, it might be a sign of a urinary tract infection,” Alyssa Dweck, M.D., a gynecologist in Westchester, New York, and assistant clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, tells SELF.

If you do, in fact, have a UTI, a doctor can prescribe a round of antibiotics to kick the infection (and pain) to the curb. And if UTIs regularly besiege your poor body, make sure to take preventive measures, like staying hydrated, wiping from front to back, and peeing after you have sex.

2. You have a yeast infection.

An uncomfortable burning sensation while you pee is also a common symptom of yeast infections, which happen due to an overgrowth of yeast in the vagina, Dr. Yamaguchi explains. They’re often accompanied by another telltale symptom: “With a yeast infection, you’ll usually have thicker discharge,” one that basically looks like white cottage cheese, she explains. Antifungal medications can clear up the infection, some of which are OTC, and some of which are prescribed (but it’s smart to see a doctor just in case before grabbing an OTC medication, especially since some sexually transmitted diseases seem like regular ol’ vaginal infections).To avoid recurrent yeast infections, Dr. Yamaguchi recommends maintaining good hygiene, wearing cotton underwear for breathability (or at least underwear that has a cotton crotch), and changing ASAP after you work out instead of lounging around in your sweaty gear.

3. You have bacterial vaginosis.

Oh, bacterial vaginosis, you evil, foul-smelling wench. Yup, this infection, which arises when the “good” and “bad” bacteria in your vagina get thrown out of whack via sex, products you use, and the like, can lead to fish-scented discharge in addition to painful pee, Dr. Dweck says. Once your doctor determines that you have this infection, they’ll prescribe antibiotics for you to take either orally or vaginally.

4. You have a sexually transmitted disease.

Plenty of STDs can cause painful pee as just one of their annoying symptoms (when symptoms show up, that is—in many cases, STDs exhibit no symptoms at all). Herpes, an extremely common viral infection known for causing sores on the mouth and genitals, is one possibility, Dr. Yamaguchi says.

Chlamydia, a bacterial infection especially prevalent in women under 25, and gonorrhea, another bacterial infection that shows up a lot in that age range, are other common causes, Dr. Dweck says. Both chlamydia and gonorrhea can also lead to abnormal discharge, like some that’s yellow or green, so be on the lookout for that as well.

And trichomoniasis, the most common curable STD, can also present with terrible-smelling discharge and pain while peeing.

5. You have some sex-related vaginal tears.

The sharp, sudden pain of burning while peeing might come with a surge of panic that something is really, really wrong, but that’s not always true. “Little abrasions from sex can cause some burning while peeing and irritation,” Dr. Yamaguchi says. To cut back on that yikes-inducing feeling, she recommends pouring warm water over your vaginal area when you’re peeing. “The temperature will help interfere with the nerve pathways,” she says. And to avoid the issue altogether, she suggests making sure you’re plenty lubed up whenever your vagina’s getting some attention. Here’s everything to know before you buy some lube for sex.

6. Or some non-sex-related vaginal tears.

Many women experience burning pee after they give birth. Since all the tissue down below stretches in an impressive way to make room for the baby, vaginal and perineal tears can occur. This is why many new moms, including Chrissy Teigen, rely on perineal irrigation bottles, aka devices that make it even easier to squirt warm water on yourself to dull the pain.

7. You’re using unnecessary feminine hygiene products.

“We’ve been led to believe that the vaginal area is super dirty, and we should be cleaning with deodorizers and perfumes—that’s not the case,” Dr. Dweck says. “The vagina has a good self-cleaning protocol, if you will, to keep its pH in balance and keep things in order.” But when you use products like douches or feminine hygiene washes, you might wind up with irritation that leads to urinary burning. If your skin is super sensitive, this can even happen from fragrant bubble baths, Dr. Dweck explains.

Really, you don’t need anything beyond a gentle, fragrance-free soap and some water to wash your vulva, and you don’t even need to wash your actual vagina. Let it clean itself in peace, please!

8. You’re dealing with post-menopause atrophic vaginitis.

Hormonal changes during menopause can result in a phenomenon known as atrophic vaginitis, or vaginal atrophy, Dr. Yamaguchi says. The skin of the vulva and vagina thin out, which can lead to some burning and irritation during sex, urination, and while just going about your daily life. If you’re dealing with this, chat with your doctor to determine whether hormonal supplementation may help your symptoms, and if not, how to find relief.

Male Brain Author Brizendine on Sex, Love, Why Men Cheat.

Despite all that old talk about Mars and Venus, men and women are much more biologically alike than not. But differences in the way our brains are built shed light on everything from the way we flirt to the way we fight to how we raise our boys, says neuropsychiatrist Dr. Louann Brizendine in her provocative new book, The Male Brain. The author talked to TIME about sex, the daddy brain and why some men may be built to cheat.

You immediately address the stereotype that guys have one-track, sex-crazed minds. Biologically speaking, is it true?
I think that’s probably more emblematic of the female experience of the male than what’s actually going on in the male brain. Certainly the male brain is seeking and looking for sex. But it is also very much seeking and looking for partnership and for choosing “the one.”

You say the “area for sexual pursuit” is 2.5 times larger in the male brain than in the female brain. Do you worry that people will read that and decide your book confirms the stereotype?
I think there is a kernel of truth in stereotypes. But [understanding human biology] doesn’t give males a pass on being civilized or any parent a pass on having to train their sons.

You write that sex and love are linked. How?
The sexual circuitry releases huge amounts of dopamine. The reward system in the brain basically gets triggered during sex and orgasm and then feeds back on the rest of the brain, making it want to do that again and again — and wanting to seek out the person that you’re having that lovely experience with again and again. So at some point, the love circuits and the sex circuits get gradually bound together. The sexual part of that experience gets more and more attached to that [particular] female, and gradually merges with that circuitry and identifies that person as “the one.” Not all men get that, as we know, but the majority of men do.

In humans they have identified, so far, about 17 different lengths of [the vasopressin receptor gene]. There are several studies that have shown that those males with the longer version are more likely to be married, and their wives are more likely to say they have a happy, successful marriage and there hasn’t been any infidelity. The ones with the shorter ones are more likely to be bachelors.

Doesn’t suggesting that a propensity to cheat is hard-wired in some guys give unfaithful husbands the perfect excuse?
I don’t think it lets you escape responsibility, but I think it lets one honor that underlying impulse and then realize why it’s so important to have all the religious and social principles that we’re raised with. No matter what [a boy’s] genes are, we need to be laying out good role models for how one behaves in one’s life. I feel very strongly: this is not an excuse for men to behave badly. But it is something to help men have a deeper insight into themselves, and women to have a deeper insight into men.

This type of interaction goes on lots and lots between the couples that come to my office: she just wants him to talk to her about how she’s feeling about something before he launches into giving her the solution. And he feels like, well, what good will it do just to wallow in the feelings? I think one of the things that women don’t focus on or appreciate is that our men really want to make us happy. He’s the fix-it man. He really does want to be our hero, and that’s how he expresses his love.

What happens when a guy is becoming a father?
The hormone testosterone is going down and the hormone prolactin is going up in the male brain, because he is smelling the pheromones of his pregnant wife. Prolactin is the hormone in females that makes breast milk. We don’t know what it’s doing in males yet. We assume it has something to do with making the daddy-brain circuits. By the time the baby is born, he’s able to hear infant cries much better. So something about his auditory-perceptual system has actually changed. His sex drive has gone down along with his testosterone. Therefore his brain is being primed to be a caretaker. If he doesn’t get some alone time [after birth] with the baby, however, the daddy brain won’t develop fully.

You think both men and women have deep misunderstandings of what drives the opposite sex. What are the biggest?
I think the biggest is that all men want is sex. The equivalent for women is that we are all emotional, and all we want is commitment.

Sex Is Shifting from Evolutionary to Socially Driven

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Sex may be enjoyable, but in evolutionary terms, it’s a very difficult way to reproduce. Compared to asexual reproduction, sex requires two organisms instead of one, and the exchange of genetic material resulting from sex is a slow process, leaving it vulnerable to prey until it can mature.

So why has sex evolved as the dominant method of reproduction, at least among advanced species? The reason, says popular scientist and climate crusader Bill Nye, is that by creating a new mixture of genetic material, sex makes us less vulnerable to microscopic diseases like harmful bacteria and viruses.

Nye explains in his Big Think interview:

“Your biggest enemy is not lions and tigers and bears, which, of course, can be trouble — don’t get me wrong. Your biggest enemy is germs and parasites. So apparently by having sex, organisms are able to come up with a new mixture of genes, a new combination of genes, a new strand of DNA that the germs and parasites are not able to disable as readily, are not able to hijack as easily.”


But understanding sexual relationships in evolutionary terms can be fraught with complication. The same genetic vestiges that have made men the dominant gender for millennia are giving way to a more equitable distribution of responsibilities, thanks to our technologically developed society that can facilitate more egalitarianism without seriously harming fertility rates.

To be sure, modern sexuality is a new mix of lower fertility combined with many technological options to further control the rate at which births occur: Medical procedures can prevent you from conceiving or quicken the pace of becoming pregnant. These new procedures don’t seem to be changing the ways men and women think about sex, however.

As the Genetic Literacy Project explains, men consider women to be beautiful if they possess certain biological traits, such as wide hips, considered advantageous to carrying children to term. Of course, men who limit their understanding of beauty to physical characteristics are worthy of the Neanderthal ancestors from which these biases arise.

However, even our traditional understanding of men as the dominant gender may be the result of cultural bias. As anthropology professor Melvin Konner explains in his new book, Women After All: Sex, Evolution, and the End of Male Supremacy, certain primitive societies are simply not dominated by the physically stronger gender:

“Taking the evolutionary long view, he sees the decline of male supremacy as a demographic process. As women all over the world (re)gain possession of their genitals and control over reproduction, and as we become the majority in higher education (as is already occurring in many parts of the world, notably the Middle East), step by step we will inherit the Earth.”


Why this monkey tried to have sex with a deer.

Japanese macaques and sika deer live comfortably together on Japan’s Yakushima Island: The deer eat fruit the monkeys drop from the trees, and the monkeys groom and sometimes hitch a ride on the deer. But a couple years ago, one of the macaques took this relationship to a new level. Unable to get a mate of his own kind, this low-ranking snow monkey used the deer’s back for his pleasure .


He did not penetrate her, but did ejaculate, and the deer then licked her back clean, researchers report in the current issue of Primates. The monkey was later seen attempting to mount another deer, but she objected and threatened him. He also guarded his unlikely love interests, chasing away any other male monkeys who came near. Scientists have only reported one other case of sexual relations in the wild between unrelated species. That one involved male Antarctic fur seals coercing king penguins; one, after sating his lust, ate the bird. In both cases, scientists suspect that the males were unable to acquire a mate of their own kind, and seasonal hormonal surges led them to seek love elsewhere.

Sex and Aural Energy .

Pay attention to whom you share your intimate energy with. Intimacy at this level intertwines your aural energy with the aural energy of the other person. These powerful connections, regardless of how insignificant you think they are, leave spiritual debris, particularly within people who do not practice any type of cleansing, physical, emotional or otherwise. The more you interact intimately with someone, the deeper the connection and the more of their aura is intertwined with yours. Imagine the confused aura of someone who sleeps with multiple people and carries around these multiple energies? What they may not realize is that others can feel that energy which can repel positive energy and attract negative energy into your life.

I always say, never sleep with someone you wouldn’t want to be” – Lisa Chase Patterson

sex and

I believe the original author of the above passage is Lisa Chase Patterson. How she described the intimate nature of exchanging energy with another during sex is something that I’ve been lecturing friends about for years. It was nice to see someone else discussing it as well.

We are all physical beings, but we are also so much more than that, including ‘energetic beings’. When you get intimate with anyone you merge with their energy. It doesn’t matter if it is OBE (astral) sex, physical sex, or oral sex — anytime you are intimate with another person (or people) you absorb some of their energy and they absorb some of your energy.

If you have sex with positive, loving, uplifting people – that wonderful energy is absorbed and uplifts you. If you have sex with negative, pessimistic, unstable, depressive people – that energy will have you crashing down and uninterested in day-to-day life. (Among other ways. We are all unique after all) Keep in mind that if this person sleeps with a variety of people, they absorb their energy. A married man or woman has absorbed their spouses energy and will mix it with your energy if you are the other man or woman. It’s vice versa.

So the next time you jump into bed with someone or want to hook up for OBE sex – keep in mind that unless they cleanse their energy on a regular basis, you will be getting intimate with whomever they have been intimate with.

Oh, and just so you know, this isn’t a new discovery. Christians often call this connection ‘Soul ties’. It is also widely discussed in the study of Tantric Sex.

As we accumulate unwanted energies in daily life, regular aura cleansing supports health and well-being. Like psychic dust bunnies, we go around collecting debris on our aura, until we finally do something to cleanse it…

It is the same with personal hygiene. If you do not bathe, your body will become dirtier and dirtier. Gradually the smell becomes unbearable. Eventually, your body even becomes a breeding ground for disease and bacteria. If you do not cleanse your aura, your spiritual energy system will also become ‘dirtier and dirtier’. Eventually you become unpleasant for others to be around (though they may not consciously understand why). Your energy system then begins to attract lower vibrations which are also unhealthy for you and others.

In modern culture, we expect people to take care of their personal hygiene by bathing regularly, if not daily. But we are not yet so spiritually evolved!

Cleansing your Aura

Just like washing your hands cleans one part of your body and washing your face takes care of another… different approaches to aura cleansing will support you in clearing different aspects of your energy system. Some aura clearing approaches are more lightweight–in terms of personal hygiene– like changing your clothes, or putting on deodorant. They are still useful, but they can’t replace bathing! Other methods of aura cleansing go much deeper–equivalent to having a good scrub-down, or going for a detoxifying spa treatment.

Options for Cleansing…

Bathing with Epsom Salts

Water helps wash away dirt, both physically and energetically. Adding Epsom Salts to your bath stimulates the flow of your own energy and also draws minor psychic debris out of your aura.


Submerging yourself in water helps cleanse your aura. As ocean water contains salt and minerals, it is especially useful for drawing minor psychic debris out of your aura.


Gentle exposure to sunlight stimulates the flow of your own energy. Some lower vibrations cannot exist with exposure to bright light.


1. Aura Meditation

Even basic meditation helps you relax and release. Aura meditation works directly with releasing unwanted energies through grounding, clearing your aura, energy channels and chakras. One of the most powerful ways to cleanse and care for your aura is energy-based aura meditation.

2. Aura Healings

In an aura healing, the healer supports you in cleansing unwanted energies out of your system. The healer assists you in grounding out psychic debris, releasing blocks and helps you get your own energy flowing. If you’d like to find out more about Aura Healing, I highly recommend you research Reiki. If you’d like to experience it yourself, I recommend you look for a Reiki healer in your area)

3. Aura Readings

Often we confuse other people’s energy with our own energy. When we mistake foreign energy for our own, we do not want to release it. We hold on to it because we think it is us! In a clairvoyant aura reading, a reader can help you identify your own energy and discern foreign energy. When you recognize an energy is not you, it is much easier to release.

4. Feeling your Emotions

When your emotional energy is blocked, it creates congestion and back-up throughout your spiritual energy system. This makes it easy to get stuck with unwanted energies. Allowing yourself to feel hidden emotions creates a release of energy. This movement and flow supports you in cleansing psychic debris.


Other Options for Aura Cleansing…


Standing with an open body posture in a strong wind supports you in releasing unwanted energies. As sea breezes contain moisture, salt and minerals, ocean winds are especially beneficial for aura cleansing.

Gardening or Being in Nature

Through gardening and being in Nature, you come in direct contact with the earth. This helps you get grounded and release unwanted energies out of your system.


Creating something you’re enthusiastic about gives you a ‘creative high’. These surges of creative energy stimulate the flow of your own energy and support you in releasing blocks and unwanted energies.

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