Introverts Don’t Hate People, They Hate Shallow Socializing


IntrovertDear.com introvert shallow socializing

I like to make jokes about how much I hate people. As an introvert, it’s easy to do. The stereotype of the misanthropic introvert is backed by countless Facebook memes and pop culture references: Think of the animated character Daria with her oversized glasses and a book in her hand or that catchy quote from Charles Bukowski, “I don’t hate people, I just feel better when they aren’t around.”

These memes and quotes exist for a reason. They are funny and relatable, but they can also serve as a coping mechanism for those who need an excuse to hide behind. It’s the whole “I’m too school for cool” persona. It’s easy for me to say I spent the majority of the party playing with the host’s cat because the people there weren’t half as interesting as the books I have at home. It’s harder to admit that getting past the barrier of small talk ranges from somewhat daunting to downright terrifying. So I oversimplify and say I don’t like people, when what I actually dislike are the surface-level interactions of most social gatherings.

We’ve all been to those parties where the sole purpose of the event is for everyone to break into small groups where they talk about sports, the weather, or where the host’s second cousin got her hair done. It’s moments like these where it suddenly becomes very important to find out if there’s a pet you can play with, or when all else fails, perhaps a large potted plant to hide behind. If there’s a drink to be fetched or a bowl of chips to be refilled, this task will instantly become the sole purpose of my existence, because literally anything is better than small talk.

However, despite appearances, I don’t hate people. I just hate shallow socializing.

And therein lies the problem that has kept thousands of introverts awake until all hours of the night. Because being an introvert doesn’t mean that you want to be alone all the time. But unfortunately, in order to meet people to share your inner world with, it’s necessary to go out and socialize. In order to get to those coveted discussions about life goals, creative passions, and the existence of the universe, you sometimes have to start with some small talk, no matter how painful it might be.

Sometimes You Have to Go Out to Appreciate Staying In

I view socializing much like I view other aspects of my life that I know are good for me in the long run, but really aren’t very enjoyable in the moment. Do I really want to go to the gym when I could just go home and watch Netflix? No. Do I really want a salad for lunch when I could have a hamburger? No. Do I really want to go to a party when I could curl up in bed with a book and a cup of tea? It’s a no-brainer. However, to reap the rewards, you sometimes have to put in the work.

It’s all about balance. Just like I might treat myself to a piece of chocolate cake as a reward for all those days I spent at the gym last week, I’ll spend a quiet Saturday night at home because I know I already put in a night of socializing and interacting with people outside of my comfort zone on Friday.

The reward of staying in is so much sweeter when it’s saved as its own unique event to look forward to. Whereas, staying home with a book feels a whole lot less special when you are doing it for the tenth night in a row. Sometimes you have to go out to fully appreciate staying in, and vice versa.

I never would’ve met some of my closest friends if I chose to stay home and read all the time. Those relationships I have now were worth the anxiety and apprehension I felt upon venturing out of my comfort zone to establish them. Unfortunately, creating those kinds of relationships is rare, because socializing doesn’t always have tangible rewards. Sometimes I leave an event feeling drained and wishing that I had never left the house. Other times, I might feel that it went okay, but I know the surface-level conversations I held all evening probably won’t lead to any life-altering friendships. But that’s okay, because not every conversation or every evening out has to be life-altering.

For Introverts, Socializing Isn’t Just a Way to Pass the Time

As an introvert, it’s my natural tendency to always want every interaction to be about establishing a deep connection, but that can put too much pressure on the average casual conversation. Sometimes it’s just about staying in practice with my (albeit limited) people skills until the day when someone suddenly wants to talk about their dreams and goals and all the things that makes them tick. It’s impossible to know where a conversation will lead unless you try.

I’m aware of just how ridiculous my socializing philosophy will sound to extroverts. To them, socializing itself is the end goal. My extroverted friends are always looking for something to do on the weekend, during the holidays, and even on work nights. They pursue socializing for the in-the-moment excitement that it brings. For me, attempting to socialize is a long-term goal, one that I carefully craft and balance so I don’t get mentally or emotionally overwhelmed.

“Going out” is rarely exciting for me in the moment. But I always have hope when attending a party or trying a new networking event that I will make a friend who is also dying for a quiet cup of coffee while chatting about life, or who wants to take a trip to the beach just so we can lay side by side and read in complete silence.

When I socialize, I’m not looking for a way to just pass the time. I already have a full list of hobbies and interests and not enough hours in the day to enjoy them all. But I am always looking for a new person with whom I can share my passions and my world. Sometimes meeting that one new person can be worth the agony of socializing. I like to think I’m the kind of person worth socializing for, and I know I’m not the only one of my kind.

So, my fellow introverts, please occasionally put down your books, go out, and search for the people who make socializing worth it — because I’m out there looking for you.

Men use sexist and homophobic jokes due to insecurity over their masculinity, study claims


They feel the need to reaffirm their own sense of self

There is a certain man who thinks it’s funny to suggest a woman get back in the kitchen. Or tells her not to cry when something goes slightly awry. Or asks whether it’s her ‘time of the month’ if she’s annoyed.

Those men – well, they’re many things – but according to a new study, men who make sexist jokes are probably just insecure about their masculinity.

In news that will come as little surprise to many, science has proven that men who use sexist and anti-gay humour do so to reaffirm their own sense of self, particularly when they feel their masculinity is being threatened.

Disparaging jokes are often used to reinforce one’s position as part of an in-group by clearly separating them from an out-group.

Researchers from the Western Carolina University in the US conducted two experiments with 387 heterosexual men.

The participants completed online tests to reveal their personalities, social attitudes and prejudice levels against women and gay men.

In the questionnaire, the men were asked how much they agreed with various statements such as “Women seek to gain power by getting control over men” and “Once a woman gets a man to commit to her, she usually tries to put him on a tight leash.”

The men’s preferred type of humour was then also deciphered, as well as whether they thought their humour would help others form a more accurate impression of them.

The results of the study suggest that men who hold more precarious manhood beliefs – particularly when they feel their masculinity as defined by typical gender norms is being challenged – are more likely to use sexist and anti-gay jokes to provide self-affirmation.

“Men higher in precarious manhood beliefs expressed amusement with sexist and anti-gay humour in response to a masculinity threat because they believe it reaffirms an accurate, more masculine impression of them,” lead study author Emma O’Connor explained.

“It appears that by showing amusement with sexist and anti-gay humour, such men can distance themselves from the traits they want to disconfirm,” she says.

The researchers hope that the findings of the study will help prevent such humour occurring, particularly in the workplace.

“Work settings where women occupy positions of authority might inherently trigger masculinity threats for men higher in precarious manhood beliefs and thus sexist joking,” says O’Connor, who adds that sexist jokes and teasing are two of the most common forms of sexual harassment women face at work.

“Given the social protection afforded to humour as a medium for communicating disparagement, it is possible that men use sexist humour in the workplace as a ‘safe’ way to reaffirm their threatened masculinity,” explains O’Connor.

But she believes that if managers better understood how and why such harassment occurs, they’d be able to prevent and handle it more effectively.

“For instance, they might more closely monitor workplace settings that could trigger masculinity threats and subsequent sexist joking, or they might attempt to reduce the extent to which men perceive masculinity threats in those settings in the first place.”

Mindfulness meditation helps women but not men, first study suggests


Mindfulness does not help men, a new study has shown
Mindfulness does not help men, a new study has shown 

Mindfulness does not help men, the first study to look at the gender divide in meditation suggests.

Although recent research has shown that mindfulness meditation, the practice of directing attention to present sensations and feelings, can be beneficial, nobody has checked whether the results were the same for both sexes.

But when Brown University broke down results they found a clear difference for men and women. While practising significantly helped women overcome a downcast mood, it actually made men feel slightly worse than before they began.

 “That was the surprising part,”said Dr Willoughby Britton, assistant professor of psychiatry and human behaviour and of behavioural and social sciences.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if this is a widespread phenomenon that researchers hadn’t bothered to investigate.”

Students meditate in the lab component of their coursework
Students meditate in the lab component of their coursework

The study followed 41 male and 36 female students over the course of a full, 12-week academic class on mindfulness traditions which included three one hour-long meditation labs a week.

Over that time the average student had engaged in more than 41 hours of meditation in class and outside.

But while women’s moods improved by an average of 11.6 points over the trial, the average mood of men got slightly worse.

The researchers believe that the traditional way in which men and women deal with emotional distress could be behind the disparity.

“The mechanisms are highly speculative at this point, but stereotypically, women ruminate and men distract,” added Dr Briton.

“So for people that tend to be willing to confront or expose themselves or turn toward the difficult, mindfulness is made for improving that. For people who have been largely turning their attention away from the difficult, to suddenly bring all their attention to their difficulties can be somewhat counterproductive.

 “While facing one’s difficulties and feeling one’s emotions may seem to be universally beneficial, it does not take into account that there may be different cultural expectations for men and women around emotionality.”

Dr Brown said since conducting the study she has found the same gender divide in two other published studies, and will shortly publish new details on her findings.

Source: Frontiers in Psychology.

Science Reveals: 6 Physical Features Guys CAN’T Resist In A Woman


It seems all this talk about relationships between men and women come down to one thing: science. The action of making eye contact, flirting, and playing the dating game may come down to the inner caveman in all of us.

And men and women look for different things in their potential partner with the subconsciousness to mate and reproduce. According to Dr. Midge Wilson at DePaul University in Chicago, when a man is checking out a woman, he goes through a process she has termed, “reproductive fitness assessment.”

Before you get angry at the notion that men only look for physical attractiveness, women do this subconsciously too. Here are the six things men are physically attractive to. The point of it all is that it comes down to mating and reproducing, it can’t be a bad thing to help keep the human race thriving!

Watch the video. URL:https://youtu.be/2KQUAKl6IaI

Source:/simplecapacity.com

6 Habits of Highly Intelligent and Attractive People.


The majority of the people who read this blog, agree that intelligence is sexy. However everyone has met somebody who, physical appearance aside, is just truly, deeply appealing. Whether they are physically attractive or not, members of the opposite sex flock to them in droves, and though you’d like to be annoyed by that, you might actually have a bit of a crush on them yourself. You just want to get to know them better – and so does everyone else.

 Whether we are male or female, each of us likely spends hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars over the course of our lives in an effort to improve our health and physical appearance. We sweat at the gym, buy flattering clothes, shave, bathe, and style our hair in order to maintain our physical appeal – but how much time do we spend cultivating that curious internal magnetism that is actually the basis of most attraction?

Below are six simple habits that can increase your charisma, confidence, and sense of self.

1. Empower yourself!

The Law of Attraction dictates that we tend to arrive at the outcome which we most expect. Of course this principle does not always hold true – unfortunately for my toddler, who expected cookies for dinner – however, there is certainly something to it. When we radiate a genuine confidence in our actions, others tend to believe in our goals as well. After all, if we don’t believe we deserve our desired outcome, why should the rest of the world?

Focusing on reasons why we should reach our goal puts us in a more confident mindset, and genuine confidence is an infinitely attractive trait. It also helps us to perform at our best. A teenager asking a girl to a school dance is much more likely to get a “yes” if he is smiling, standing tall, and cracking jokes than if he is staring at the floor and mumbling. The message that the latter gives is that he doesn’t think she should want to go to the dance with him. This might, in turn, make her doubt her attraction to him in the first place. However, a wide smile and clever joke will make her feel comfortable, connected, and excited for the fun-filled evening ahead.

A good way to empower yourself before a big moment like this is to write down ten reasons why the person would want to say yes. Once you internalize these reasons, even if you are denied, you will feel that it is their loss and find it easier to move on from the rejection. Even more effective than doing this before a big moment is to practice it in your daily life. By consciously noticing when you elicit a smile, or when your hair looks great, or when your speech was well received, you are training your brain to look for these positive traits in yourself and, in turn, to see yourself in a flattering light. When you see yourself as an appealing, clever, magnanimous person, others will too.

2. Take Time to Meditate.

Most people feel stressed and unsure of themselves when entering a new social situation. Although this is completely natural and understandable, it is far from the best mindset to be in when you want to give off a good impression. A simple trick to counteract this is to learn how to meditate. Meditation has been shown to lower stress levels, and in particular the traits of anxiety, impulsiveness, and worry, all of which often lead to social blunders. It also strengthens your mental strength and focus, creativity, and memory, qualities which are crucial to good conversation and building relationships. Best of all, it only takes twenty minutes a day.

3. Know Yourself, Be Yourself.

Personal congruence is the practice of aligning your thoughts, words, and actions.Congruence is the quality that causes a person to come off to others as authentic and self-assured. Practicing congruence promotes self-confidence because you are acting with integrity, and because others are responding to you as you truly are rather than as you think they would like you to be. Being congruent is about embracing and expressing your true feelings.

 Most people fail to be congruent because they do not want to show weakness.However, I have found that some of my best friends are those who have known me at my worst, most unattractive moments. There’s something very endearing and relatable about someone who is being vulnerable – even though they are not perfect. Genuine flaws are usually much more charming than a manufactured veneer of perfection.

4. You do you, honey!

Do things because you genuinely want to – not because you want to appear a certain way to others or to fit in. When you stop looking for validation from others, you free yourself up to pursue interests and hobbies that you may never have considered before – which will, in the end, make you a more well-rounded and interesting person. Your passion for the pursuits you have chosen will be attractive to others, because nothing is more appealing than someone who is genuinely having a good time. Think of the last truly and universally likeable person you encountered – did he need you to like him? Of course not – because he liked himself. Take back control of your self-image by worrying less about what others think of you and more about who you really are and how much you are enjoying life.

5. Listen Up!

Everyone loves to talk – but few have perfected the art of listening. As the wife of a very good listener, I can tell you from the outside what a profound impact it has on people. Most people, myself included, tend to talk too much because we are eager to make a connection. However, it’s in listening that you come to truly understand a person and what makes them tick. Because he is a natural at this, my husband not only attracts people and makes them feel comfortable, but is also able to offer thoughtful insights regarding their problems, strengths, and motivations. Listening opens your mind, strengthens your sense of empathy, and develops your ability to connect. As someone who struggles to develop this skill, I cannot recommend it highly enough!

6. Shake It Off!

Everyone has felt the sting of rejection – even Taylor Swift. Unfortunately, if we dwell on these rejections and the reasons why others might not like us, we can train our brain to look for our flaws and blunders – creating the opposite of the effect discussed above in tip #1. The fact that not everyone will like us can be disheartening, or it can be tremendously freeing. Rejection, after all, is rarely about your defects. More often, two people simply don’t mesh well, and you are both better off putting your time and energy into other relationships.

The funny thing about becoming a truly and deeply appealing person is that, if you have this quality, you likely don’t even care – because you love yourself regardless. Your most important and long-lasting relationship is the one that you have with yourself. Cultivate that, and the rest is sure to fall into place.

Source:truthinsideofyou.org

A Harvard psychologist says people judge you based on 2 criteria when they first meet you


amy cuddy

People size you up in seconds , but what exactly are they evaluating?Harvard Business School professor Amy Cuddy has been studying first impressions alongside fellow psychologists Susan Fiske and Peter Glick for more than 15 years, and has discovered patterns in these interactions.

In her new book ” Presence ,” Cuddy says people quickly answer two questions when they first meet you:

  • Can I trust this person?
  • Can I respect this person?

Psychologists refer to these dimensions as warmth and competencerespectively, and ideally you want to be perceived as having both.

Interestingly, Cuddy says that most people, especially in a professional context, believe that competence is the more important factor. After all, they want to prove that they are smart and talented enough to handle your business.

But in fact warmth, or trustworthiness, is the most important factor in how people evaluate you. “From an evolutionary perspective,” Cuddy says, “it is more crucial to our survival to know whether a person deserves our trust.” It makes sense when you consider that in cavemen days it was more important to figure out if your fellow man was going to murder you and steal all your possessions than if he was competent enough to build a good fire.

presence

While competence is highly valued, Cuddy says it is evaluated only after trust is established. And focusing too much on displaying your strength can backfire.Cuddy says MBA interns are often so concerned about coming across as smart and competent that it can lead them to skip social events, not ask for help, and generally come off as unapproachable. These overachievers are in for a rude awakening when they don’t get the job offer because nobody got to know and trust them as people.

“If someone you’re trying to influence doesn’t trust you, you’re not going to get very far; in fact, you might even elicit suspicion because you come across as manipulative,” Cuddy says. “A warm, trustworthy person who is also strong elicits admiration, but only after you’ve established trust does your strength become a gift rather than a threat.”

Source: businessinsider.in

This Is Why Our Generation Doesn’t Believe In Settling Down.


We look at the white picket fence homes that we are supposed to settle down into and only see limitations.

You see, we were told to never settle. We were told to reach for the stars and then build a rocket to get there. We were told that the weak settle for content lives instead of striving for happy ones. We were told to look for the best and only accept the answer once we know it is the best. We were taught these things by the older generations who now call us crazy for believing those things.

We explore. We travel. We grow. We meet new people. We are creating families out of connections that have nothing to do with blood. We look at the white picket fence homes that we are supposed to settle down into and only see limitations.

For us, settling down is the same thing as settling for a mediocre life.

There is a whole world to explore still. There are empires to create. There are dreams to achieve. There are places to go, people to see, and memories to be made. And buying a two-story house in the suburbs of the small town, USA would only get in the way of all of that. We’ve discovered that you don’t need a house to be at home. We value experiencesand connect rather than material investments such as huge houses.

This doesn’t mean we aren’t out there getting married or starting families, it just means they don’t look the way our parent’s families did. We are having kids and traveling with them. We are marrying who we want, when we want, and then seeing the world with them. We are doing the jobs we want to do, where we want to do them. We are still creating life it just doesn’t look the way they are used to.

We understand that life isn’t meant to be lived in one place anymore. We live in such a globalized world now. We travel as far as we can for as long as we can and then just maybe we consider staying put.

Maybe that makes us a crazy generation. Maybe this makes us unstable. Or maybe it just means we are squeezing every drop out of this life we were given and doing it in the way we want to. Maybe we understand that change isn’t a bad thing and that life is going to shift with or without us. Things are going to constantly change no matter what we do so why not change things ourselves?

Source:http://www.huffingtonpost.com

Why You Need Discipline to Achieve the Good Life.


We spend our lives gathering knowledge, skills and experiences. But what are we doing with it?
Why You Need Discipline to Achieve the Good Life

What’s at the core of achieving the good life? It is not learning how to set goals. It is not learning how to better manage your time. It is not mastering the attributes of leadership.

Every day in a thousand different ways, we are trying to improve ourselves by learning how to do things. We spend a lifetime gathering knowledge—in classrooms, in textbooks, in experiences. And if knowledge is power, if knowledge is the forerunner to success, why do we fall short of our objectives? Why, in spite of all our knowledge and collected experiences, do we find ourselves aimlessly wandering? Settling in for a life of existence rather than a life of substance?

There might be many answers to this question. Your answer might be different from everyone else you know. Although there might be many answers to this question, the ultimate answer might be the absence of discipline in applying our knowledge. The key word is discipline, as in self-discipline.

It doesn’t really matter how smart you are if you don’t use your knowledge. It doesn’t really matter that you graduated magna cum laude if you’re stuck in a low-paying job. It doesn’t really matter that you attend every seminar that comes to town if you don’t apply what you’ve learned.

We spend our lives gathering: gathering knowledge, gathering skills, gathering experiences. But we must also apply the knowledge.

We spend our lives gathering: gathering knowledge, gathering skills, gathering experiences. But we must also apply the knowledge, skills and experiences we gather in the realms of life and business. We must learn to use what we’ve learned.

And once we’ve applied our knowledge, we must study the results of that process and refine our approach.

 Finally, by trying and observing and refining and trying again, our knowledge will inevitably produce worthy, admirable results. And with the joy and results of our efforts, we continue to fuel our ambition with the positive reinforcement of continued progress. Pretty soon, we’ll find that we’re swept into a spiral of achievement, a vertical rise to success. And the ecstasy of that total experience makes for a life triumphant over tragedy, dullness and mediocrity.

But for this whole process to work for us, we must first master the art of consistent self-discipline. It takes consistent self-discipline to master the art of setting goals, time management, leadership, parenting and relationships. If we don’t make consistent self-discipline part of our daily lives, the results we seek will be sporadic and elusive. It takes a consistent effort to truly manage our valuable time. Without it, we’ll be consistently frustrated. Our time will be eaten up by others whose demands are stronger than our own.

It takes discipline to conquer the nagging voices in our minds: the fear of failure, the fear of success, the fear of poverty, the fear of a broken heart. It takes discipline to keep trying when that nagging voice within us brings up the possibility of failure.

It takes discipline to admit our errors and recognize our limitations. The voice of the human ego speaks to all of us. Sometimes, that voice tells us to magnify our value or accomplishments beyond our actual results. It leads us to exaggerate, to not be totally honest. It takes discipline to be totally honest, both with ourselves and with others.

Be certain of one thing: Every exaggeration of the truth, once detected by others, destroys our credibility. It makes all that we say and do suspect. As soon as a business colleague figures out that we tend to exaggerate, guess what… he or she will think we always exaggerate. And they’ll never quite hold us in the same regard again. Never.

The tendency to exaggerate, distort or even withhold the truth is an inherent part of all of us. It starts when we’re kids. Johnny says, “I didn’t do it. I didn’t do it!” Well maybe Johnny didn’t do it, but he probably had something to do with it. And then it continues when we’re adults: exaggerating the benefits of a product to make a sale, exaggerating our net worth to impress old friends, exaggerating how closer we are to closing a deal to impress the boss. Only an all-out, disciplined assault can overcome this tendency.

It takes discipline to change a habit, because once habits are formed, they act like a giant cable, a nearly unbreakable instinct.

It takes discipline to change a habit, because once habits are formed, they act like a giant cable, a nearly unbreakable instinct that only long-term, disciplined activity can change. We must unweave every strand of the cable of the habits, slowly and methodically, until the cable that once held us in bondage becomes nothing more than scattered strands of wire. It takes the consistent application of a new discipline, a more desirable discipline, to overcome one which is less desirable.

It takes discipline to plan. It takes discipline to execute our plan. It takes discipline to look with full objectivity at the results of our applied plan. And it takes discipline to change either our plan or our method of executing that plan if the results are poor. It takes discipline to be firm when the world throws opinions at our feet. And it takes discipline to ponder the value of someone else’s opinion when our pride and our arrogance lead us to believe that we are the only ones with the answers.

With this consistent discipline applied to every area of our lives, we can discover untold miracles and uncover unique possibilities and opportunities.

Source:success.com

Male Brain Author Brizendine on Sex, Love, Why Men Cheat.


Despite all that old talk about Mars and Venus, men and women are much more biologically alike than not. But differences in the way our brains are built shed light on everything from the way we flirt to the way we fight to how we raise our boys, says neuropsychiatrist Dr. Louann Brizendine in her provocative new book, The Male Brain. The author talked to TIME about sex, the daddy brain and why some men may be built to cheat.

You immediately address the stereotype that guys have one-track, sex-crazed minds. Biologically speaking, is it true?
I think that’s probably more emblematic of the female experience of the male than what’s actually going on in the male brain. Certainly the male brain is seeking and looking for sex. But it is also very much seeking and looking for partnership and for choosing “the one.”

You say the “area for sexual pursuit” is 2.5 times larger in the male brain than in the female brain. Do you worry that people will read that and decide your book confirms the stereotype?
I think there is a kernel of truth in stereotypes. But [understanding human biology] doesn’t give males a pass on being civilized or any parent a pass on having to train their sons.

You write that sex and love are linked. How?
The sexual circuitry releases huge amounts of dopamine. The reward system in the brain basically gets triggered during sex and orgasm and then feeds back on the rest of the brain, making it want to do that again and again — and wanting to seek out the person that you’re having that lovely experience with again and again. So at some point, the love circuits and the sex circuits get gradually bound together. The sexual part of that experience gets more and more attached to that [particular] female, and gradually merges with that circuitry and identifies that person as “the one.” Not all men get that, as we know, but the majority of men do.

In humans they have identified, so far, about 17 different lengths of [the vasopressin receptor gene]. There are several studies that have shown that those males with the longer version are more likely to be married, and their wives are more likely to say they have a happy, successful marriage and there hasn’t been any infidelity. The ones with the shorter ones are more likely to be bachelors.

Doesn’t suggesting that a propensity to cheat is hard-wired in some guys give unfaithful husbands the perfect excuse?
I don’t think it lets you escape responsibility, but I think it lets one honor that underlying impulse and then realize why it’s so important to have all the religious and social principles that we’re raised with. No matter what [a boy’s] genes are, we need to be laying out good role models for how one behaves in one’s life. I feel very strongly: this is not an excuse for men to behave badly. But it is something to help men have a deeper insight into themselves, and women to have a deeper insight into men.

This type of interaction goes on lots and lots between the couples that come to my office: she just wants him to talk to her about how she’s feeling about something before he launches into giving her the solution. And he feels like, well, what good will it do just to wallow in the feelings? I think one of the things that women don’t focus on or appreciate is that our men really want to make us happy. He’s the fix-it man. He really does want to be our hero, and that’s how he expresses his love.

What happens when a guy is becoming a father?
The hormone testosterone is going down and the hormone prolactin is going up in the male brain, because he is smelling the pheromones of his pregnant wife. Prolactin is the hormone in females that makes breast milk. We don’t know what it’s doing in males yet. We assume it has something to do with making the daddy-brain circuits. By the time the baby is born, he’s able to hear infant cries much better. So something about his auditory-perceptual system has actually changed. His sex drive has gone down along with his testosterone. Therefore his brain is being primed to be a caretaker. If he doesn’t get some alone time [after birth] with the baby, however, the daddy brain won’t develop fully.

You think both men and women have deep misunderstandings of what drives the opposite sex. What are the biggest?
I think the biggest is that all men want is sex. The equivalent for women is that we are all emotional, and all we want is commitment.

Source:time.com

Train Your Brain To Let Go Of Habits – 10 Methods For Creating New Neural Pathways


When you understand how neural pathways are created in the brain, you get a front row seat for truly comprehending how to let go of habits. Neural pathways are like superhighways of nerve cells that transmit messages. You travel over the superhighway many times, and the pathway becomes more and more solid. You may go to a specific food or cigarettes for comfort over and over, and that forms a brain pathway. The hopeful fact, however, is that the brain is always changing and you can forge new pathways and create new habits. That’s called the neuroplasticity of the brain.

I used to drive with one foot on the brake and the other on the accelerator, and I wanted to train myself to drive with one foot only. It took some time, as I had a strong neural pathway for two-footed driving. But because I had the will to do it, I built a new pathway, and I rewired or reprogrammed my brain. You can remove a behavior or thought or addictions directly from the brain.

Because of neuroplasticity, the brain’s ever-changing potentials, anything is possible. People who’ve had strokes can retrain their brains to function again by building new pathways. Smokers and overeaters and many others can learn new behaviors and attitudes and can transform their lives.

Whether you work with others on their habits or you work with your own (or both), you can apply these understandings to boost your success.

Some Powerful Ways to Retrain the Brain

1. Identity the habit you’d like to transform and set the intention.

You may remember the punch line “The light bulb has to want to change.”  You have to have a high intention to change as well. If there is this high intention, then creating new pathways in your brain is bound to happen.

 2. Observe what the old habit or pathway is doing in your life.

Look at feelings, thoughts, and how the body is responding to the habit, and see what results you’re creating in your life. Be the witness, and  be aware.

3. Shift your focus.

This is very important. To create a new neural pathway, you take the focus off the old habit, and then that old habit eventually falls away. Don’t pay attention to the donuts and cakes. Take your awareness and focus it on good, wholesome, healthy delicious foods.

4. Use your imagination.

You can build new neural pathways not only with new behaviors, but through the imagination. Just imagine the new behaviors over and over and over. Keep repeating that in your mind so you build new pathways. Focus your mind and retrain your brain.

5. Interrupt your thoughts and patterns when they arise.

Say “no” or “cancel” when an old thought or impulse comes in, and say, “I don’t have to do that anymore.” Then turn toward the new neural pathway you’re building and keep on going in the right direction.

6. Use aversion therapy.

This isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. It’s an optional path. I like to call it “the maggots on the chocolate cake technique.” I used to love candies and sweets, and when I stopped eating them, I still had to pass by them when I walked by the candy store in town. I used aversion to train my brain to walk on by: “That’s junk,” I said to myself. “It’s made in factories, sickeningly sweet, makes me feel bad. The company makes it so sweet just to addict buyers. I don’t want any of that.” So I talk myself out of it. I’ve use it with many clients (only those who say they want it) on smoking, junk food, cocaine and many other behaviors.

7.  Create a specific plan and choose what to do instead.

When you get specific, it’s easier to build new neural pathways. You “make it official.”  Decide if you want to exercise instead of overeating or if you want to eat fruit instead of candy. Just keep focused on the new choice.  You may want to create affirmations and anchors to reinforce your choices. This can be “I’m free or “I’m in control.” Reinforce this with energy therapies like EFT or other techniques.

8. Transform the obstacles.

Look at what’s in the way. Look at secondary gain – what you’ve been getting out of the old habits or pathways. Look at the stress in your life and how you can handle it differently. Get your mind in the place of possibility. Handle the emotions and thoughts and get on a new superhighway in your mind.

9. Connect with your Higher Source for inspiration and support.

Listen to our guidance. Know you have the Force within you, and therefore you have great power. Meditation creates new pathways and brain changes. Actual studies have been done on the brains of monks to show meditation’s effect on neural circuits of the brain.

10. Transform and make the shift.

Know that transformation is always possible and that you can create new brain pathways whenever you’re ready to make the shift. When you keep your mind in the “I can do it!” space, you get a clear sense that you’re done with the old and on a new beam now.

 Some people feel we’re being rewired spiritually for anew era. There’s great upheaval now in our world. And there’s a process of transformation happening on earth in which huge changes are taking place for all of humanity. You have to be present in the moment, overcome your fears, and get to know the Infinite source so you can be a vehicle for the light to predominate on the earth.